If you are trying to build a business or even reaching for a goal, you will experience resistance.  On today’s Purposeful Social Selling episode, Kristen talks about the inevitable ways resistance is experienced.   She will cover:

Thanks for listening! Do you have a question about network marketing? Kristen can help! Drop your question here, and she just might answer it live on the podcast: https://kristenboss.com/question

Connect with Kristen:

Do you have a business full of customers and almost no builders? You’re in need of a reboot! Learn the three skills you can learn that will completely change your recruitment game. Check it out here.

If you’re ready to learn the simple process of running your social selling business online, you have to check out Kristen’s live group coaching program! The Social Selling Academy: www.thesocialsellingacademy.com
Interested in Kristen’s exclusive mastermind for six-figure earners in the network marketing industry? Get all the details and join the waitlist here.

Transcript of Episode #5: Expecting Resistance

Kristen Boss (00:05):
Welcome to Purposeful Social Selling with Kristen Boss. I’m your host, Kristen Boss. I’m a mindset and business coach with more than 15 years experience in both the product and service based industry. I believe that social selling is the best business model for people wanting to make an impact while they make serious income. This is the podcast for the social seller, who is tired of feeling and authentic in their business and desires to find a more purposeful and profitable way of growing their business in today’s social media landscape. In this podcast, you will learn what it takes to grow a sustainable business through impactful and social marketing. It’s time to ditch the hustle and lead from the heart. Let me show you the new way. Hey everybody, welcome back. I’m so excited to be back with you. It is episode five and as usual, I’m excited about what I’m going to be bringing to you today.

Kristen Boss (00:57):
I’ve been really sitting with it quite a bit for the last few days, and I am just delighted to bring this episode to you because I really believe in my heart. It’s going to serve you. So if you’re folding laundry, or if you’re driving, I have a feeling you’re going to be pressing pause a lot and taking notes, which I’m thrilled with. You can also check out the show notes and I’m working on getting a blog up to my podcast. Not my podcast, my website, I promise. I know what I’m saying here, guys. I have to my website so that you can read the notes I have on this, because I think you’re really gonna want it. And also, I just want to thank you guys for the reviews and the ratings you’ve left this podcast.

Kristen Boss (01:39):
I am so thankful for each and every one of you who tune in and listen each week. It is truly my joy to serve you in this way. And I wanted to just share a couple reviews that a couple of you have left. This one is from Sam 1671. She says, Kristen offers content. That is incredibly valuable. If you were in the social marketing space, she specializes in working with those business owners and I’m so excited to have more content and fire brought to my ears every week. This is an incredible resource, especially if you aren’t able to purchase her purposeful platform modules, which you definitely should or get one-on-one coaching and her incredible groups. She serves up content with passion and purpose. Thank you, Sam. Another one from Emerald rose 12, she says, I love Kristen’s fresh perspective. She is always spot on with what I need.

Kristen Boss (02:27):
I’ve loved all of her trainings. So I was even more excited when I heard she has a podcast. She does not disappoint. I love a realness and her passion. Thank you, Kristin, for sharing your words of wisdom. Thank you. Emerald rose. You guys, thank you so much for bringing those reviews. And again, if you’re not in my free community or I’m constantly dropping the fire as my amazing students and community in there, say I’m kind of known for bringing the heat to bring in the fire. I’d love for you to be in there. It’s free. I love showing up in there. I love serving my people. So if you’re not in there, check that out in the show notes without further ado, let’s get started on the topic for today. So today is about expecting resistance. And if you have been in business or, you know, even if you’re thinking about going into business for yourself, especially during these times, like we are living in really hard times right now, unemployment is at an all time.

Kristen Boss (03:25):
High people have real fear in their life with what is going on around them. There’s a lot of uncertainty talks of a second wave with this pandemic and I, I get it. And I just think this episode is so fitting no matter what season of business you’re in right now, no matter if you are thinking about starting, you have started, or you’ve been in this a long time, this is an episode that will really resonate with you because this is about resistance and you cannot be in business without experiencing resistance. And there’s a reason why I said expecting resistance because resistance will come for you, especially if you are in business and it comes in all areas of our life. Even if you’re not a business owner, you might actually find a ton of value in this. Even if you don’t have a business at all, because resistance comes to us in so many ways.

Kristen Boss (04:18):
Essentially, if you have a goal, if you have your eyes set on a vision or achieving something, you are going to experience resistance. There is no getting away from that, my friend. So if there is no getting away from that, let’s talk about resistance. And I’m going to give you a few things today. We’re going to talk about the types of resistance what to do with resistance and how your response to resistance will determine the outcome of it. And so if you switch your thoughts about this one area, it will change your life. And next week’s episode is going to be kind of a response to resistance. So this week I’m breaking down all things resistance. And next week, I’m going to be talking about what you need, that absolute character trait, or asset about yourself that you need to face resistance and all reveal that to you at the end of the episode.

Kristen Boss (05:21):
And I’ll actually be releasing a bonus episode as well, just because I believe that this kind of little mini series is going to be so valuable to you, especially right now. So without further ado, let’s get into it. I love looking at definitions because I feel like it helps give me the full picture on what I’m talking about and what I’m bringing to you guys. So I decided to look up the definition of resistance and actually the Latin word. It comes from the late Latin word resistance. Yeah, I’m probably saying it wrong. I know I’m saying it wrong, but I’m trying, but it comes from the late Latin word, which resists steer, which is a verb, which means hold back, hold back. Resistance is an opposition. It’s a struggle. It’s the impeding slowing or stopping effect exerted by one material thing on another. Let me say that again.

Kristen Boss (06:16):
It is the opposition struggle. It is the impeding slowing or stopping effect exerted by one material thing on another. I mean, when you think about that, this is really about the things that hold you back. It is about the slowing and stopping of where you want to beat. And if that isn’t like a quick summary of the struggle of business owners and entrepreneurs, I don’t know what is, we are always fighting against things that slow us down. Things that seek to stop us. We’re always in struggle. I mean, I should just, I mean, entrepreneurs, we sign up for struggle. And if you have, if you didn’t know that going in, you know now, oh, this is struggle. This isn’t all rainbows and unicorns and butterflies and making my own hours and you know, determining my own salary, this is not for the faint of heart.

Kristen Boss (07:17):
And some of you knew that going in and some of you figured that out after you said yes to this. And you’re like, oh, whoa, whoa, what is going on? It’s because you were not expecting resistance. So how are we allowing external and internal things, slow us down or hold us back from becoming the best version of ourselves and getting our business to the place where we ultimately desire it for it to be. So there’s several types of resistance. And I love doing things with like all the same letters, kind of weirdo like that. But the third, a three, three, O’s a resistance that comes from ourself resistance that comes from others and resistance that comes from outside obstacles. Okay. And I’m going to break down each of those three types of resistance. And the biggest one I think I want to start with first is ourselves.

Kristen Boss (08:22):
The resistance we create within us, this is, this could be emotional. This could be mental. It can even be physical when you, when there’s something, you know, you need to do in your business, whether it’s about to go live or share vulnerable stories, share a post, get on a sales call. I know people that literally feel physically ill when they are about to do something that makes them feel vulnerable or they put themselves out there or it’s uncomfortable. Oh my goodness, like entrepreneur, it should just say like, we sign up to do uncomfortable things because that’s what it is. But that is a form of resistance, physical illness. I know someone that would get a migraine every time she was about to do something huge for herself. It was like her body started to literally create illness to prevent her from doing the things she needed to do our brain, ours, our psychology, our brain, our physiology is that powerful where it can manifest physical illness to hold you back or slow you from doing the thing, you know, you need to do.

Kristen Boss (09:36):
And this is also your body doing what it’s wired, physiologically, wired to do, which is protect you. And anytime you do something that involves risk, even if it’s risk to yourself your risk to yourself, image your brain, perceives that as a threat, and it’s going to do whatever it can to slow you down. That’s this is, it’s just how your brain is wired. Another form of resistance. So there’s actually physical forms, but then there’s the mental and emotional forms of resistance. So anxiety, fear, self doubt, you know, emotions, I think can really wreak havoc on our business and doing the things we need to do. It’s really easy to get emotional about it. It’s really easy to all of a sudden starts spiraling and getting a head game. And man shame is probably the number one emotion. I see resurface for entrepreneurs over and over and over again.

Kristen Boss (10:30):
And the areas they know they want to show up for themselves. So that’s resistance. Number one is ourself resistance that we created ourselves. And we kind of talked about that last week, because I want to say resistance that comes from ourselves is self-sabotage. And that was in last week’s episode. If you haven’t listened to that, go listen to it. Cause I talk about all the types of self-sabotage. Well, not all, but most of them, okay. Another type of resistance as resistance we experience from others, from people around us, whether it’s coworkers, peers, friends, family, and sometimes this is more crippling for us. Then resistance. We experience within ourselves. I know for me, I can talk myself out of my negative self-talk, but what is harder for me just based on my life experience in areas I’m still growing, because I think it’s important for you guys to know where I’m still growing is the resistance I experience or perceive from others in my life.

Kristen Boss (11:36):
How others think and feel about my decisions, how I run my business, right? So resistance from others. There’s two actual types of resistance. It’s real resistance. So it’s people coming up to you and saying things or doing things to you down or perceived resistance. And that is when you project or assume or tell stories in your mind, not even based on fact of what you think others think about you. And I see that holding so many people back is what you think others think about you. It’s not even based on fact. It’s a story you tell yourself, she’s probably thinking this and they’re probably going to think this. I don’t want people to think this. I don’t want them to think this about me. Well, what are they thinking?

Kristen Boss (12:37):
How others think and feel about our business decisions is really none of our, it’s not. We can be connected, assumed all day long with the thoughts and feelings of others, but we are responsible for our own thoughts, our own feelings. And so, yes, there’s real resistance where people might say things to you and it might really hurt. And then there’s perceived resistance. It’s you telling yourself what you think others are thinking, which is which doesn’t serve us at all. But we can get in such a tailspin in a spiral that it’ll stop us from taking any action whatsoever. And let me tell you something resistance from others. You’re going to come across it perceived and real because the truth is, as you grow, you can expect to have resistance or judgment from people in your life who have chosen not to grow in the area.

Kristen Boss (13:33):
You have chosen growth. You can invite them to come along. That’s the most beautiful invitation you can ever extend to somebody and say, come on this journey with me, grow with me. You can invite them to come with, but don’t stay in argue. You cannot want it more for them than they want it for themselves, which is sometimes one of the hardest parts of coaching is as a coach, I cannot want your outcome more than you want it for yourself. I can fight for it. I can help reveal the thoughts that are keeping you back or holding you back. I can show you those things, but I can’t cannot want it more than you do. You have to decide that for yourself and the same with others in your life and their own growth journeys. And it’s really hard. I know that people are going to make judgements about your growth and you have to be okay with that. I know that’s hard. My mom once told me, I can’t remember when, but I’ve always been a people pleaser, which is real fun as an entrepreneur, because that means it’s a constant area of growth for me. And when you’re choosing to have a platform and put yourself out there, you’re literally opening yourself up for people to have opinions about you literally opening yourself up for people to have opinions about what you think about.

Kristen Boss (14:51):
Of course, it’s terrifying. And I remember my mom wants told me, I think it might’ve been in High school or in college. I can’t remember, but she said, Kristen, not everybody’s gonna like you. Well not everybody’s going to like me. I want everybody to like me. This is what not everyone’s going to like me, but you know what? Thank you, mom. Thank you, mom. I don’t know if you’re listening to this episode, but mom, thank you for telling me that because it’s true. Not everyone is going to like us, not. Everyone’s going to like you understand you get you cheer for you. Be excited about your growth journey. But this is where it’s really important where you choose who you surround yourself with. Choose to surround yourself with people who also place high value on their own growth, who plays high value on growing outside of their comfort zones and encourage you to do the same. Those are the most valuable relationships you can cultivate in your life.

Kristen Boss (15:45):
And you can invite people from your past or people currently around you to go on a growth journey with you. But you cannot, you cannot stay where you are trying to convince them that the journey is worth it. Sometimes you need to go and sometimes they will come with and sometimes they will not. And that’s we have to be okay with that. Okay. So we talked about the resistance from ourself resistance from others, real versus perceived. The next one is obstacles. This is huge. This is huge, huge. These are circumstantial obstacles, occurrence events and things that are completely outside of our control that we cannot do anything about. We cannot change our circumstances, but we can control our thoughts, our feelings, and our interpretation of these circumstances. This could be financial bills, economy, pandemic, emergencies, sickness, you name it, anything that happens outside of your brain and what people say and do to you.

Kristen Boss (16:52):
I do believe others can be a circumstance, right? But I’m talking like obstacles, bills, sickness, economy, pandemic emergencies, okay. That is a type of resistance. It’s going, we’re all going to deal with it. So I want you to, instead of viewing obstacles as, and we’re going to talk about this in the next part here is how you interpret the obstacles, but they are, they’re merely just circumstances that you get to decide how you interpret and view them. So from there, we’ve kind of, so we’ve talked about the three resistances ourselves, others and obstacles. The next, as I was saying earlier is resistance is, is both an internal and an external struggle. And we kind of covered that with like what goes on with ourself and from people, the inner dialogue, the inner dialogue of resistance, those. So there’s two, we’ll start with the inner.

Kristen Boss (17:45):
That is how we interpret what is happening around us. We live our life, not based on our circumstances, but how we interpret these circumstances. Another form of inner inner resistance is our self-talk or inner dialogue. What we’re saying about ourselves and to ourselves and about the situation. And some of us are waving the white flag right away. I mean like, this is this isn’t for me, clearly, this isn’t for me. I’m not cut out for this, this, I don’t know why I did this. I don’t know who I am. I I’m just a big phony, like our inner dialogue is so detrimental to forward progress that we want to be making. If we are not watching and fixing our inner dialogue habitually, I think one of the, one of the best questions I had a student asked me this recently, and she said, you know, I really like to ask people who are doing well in their business.

Kristen Boss (18:48):
What is their inner self-talk? And I’m like, that’s the best question I’ve ever heard. I’ll actually do another episode just on that. Because not only did I do inner self-talk to help my business get to where it’s at today, but I actually did some very interesting like biohacking to trick my brain. And I’ll talk about that in another episode. But inner dialogue is so powerful. It can create resistance holding us back from where we want to be, or it can supercharge us. It could be rocket fuel to get us to where we want to be. So there’s the internal struggle with resistance. And then there’s the external. And like I said, we’re always going to be presented with circumstances and circumstances are just that just circle there, there are things, there are circumstances, but we often make the huge mistake in interpreting the reason behind our circumstances.

Kristen Boss (19:46):
And I’ll get to the two thoughts that you can choose to have about the circumstances. But often this is what I see people do when they have obstacles that are outside of themselves, which is, you know, the pandemic, the bills, you know, whatever you name it, they start to say to themselves, maybe this just isn’t meant to be, maybe this is a sign. I shouldn’t actually be doing this. It wouldn’t be this hard. If it wasn’t meant to be, maybe this is God’s way of telling me I’m not on the right path. You know, or some of you, maybe this is the universe telling me I’m not on the right path. No, no. What if, what if you were on the exact right path and what if the level of struggle and resistance you were facing is evidence of how massive the reward and the outcome is going to be on the other side of it.

Kristen Boss (20:48):
Sometimes we look at massive resistance and see it as like, oh, it’s a sign I got to stop. I can’t be doing this instead of choosing to interpret it as this is expected, I am ready for this. This is the level of resistance I’m facing on this side. What must be waiting for me on the other side of this? So when we are looking at these obstacles, we can choose to have two thoughts about our circumstances. Circumstances are completely neutral until we give them meaning until we interpret them. So there’s two thoughts you choose from thought, number one is, this is happening to me. Why is this happening to me? Why is this? Why is it, why are things going like this? It’s it’s when we choose the thoughts of, to me, we are choosing to be the victim. And I know that’s hard to hear and I can tell you there have been times.

Kristen Boss (21:47):
Yeah, my life, where I have chosen the “to me” thought many times, why is this happening to me? And when you choose victim, you are choosing helpless and hopeless. We literally take all of our own power away. And it makes us reactive to the situation being reactive as not a position of empowerment. It’s a powerless response. This perception of being a victim and helpless and hopeless. This is when you are interpreting your struggle as a sign that you’re on the wrong path. Like I was talking about earlier, oh no, it’s a sign. And when we’re on the wrong path, we’re choosing to be a victim. Guess what happens? This is when self preservation kicks in and this is what your brain wants to do.

Kristen Boss (22:40):
It’s designed to do. We’re designed to when we’re in danger, when we’re in fear, everything in your brain is kicking into self preservation. And let me ask you this. How can we as entrepreneurs grow while simultaneously choosing to be in self-preservation, we can’t cannot be in self-preservation mode and growth mode at the same time friends, that’s, that’s pretty heavy. We cannot be world changers. When we are in self-preservation, we cannot be an entrepreneur. You cannot be an entrepreneur while also choosing self-preservation because it is literally the opposite of what being an entrepreneur. Newer is the Cambridge. The dictionary of an entrepreneur is a person who attempts to make a profit by starting a company or by operating a loan in the business world. Especially when it involves taking risks.

Kristen Boss (23:51):
Read that again, a person who attempts to make a profit by starting the company or by operating alone in the business world, especially when it involves taking risks. This is why self-preservation cannot co-exist with being a powerful game-changing entrepreneur. I decided to look up entrepreneur and is actually part of a French word. It’s the root of a French word, which is from the term, the word undertake. So when I kind of sat with the Cambridge dictionary of entrepreneur that I just read on the French word, I created my own definition. You ready for it? An entrepreneur is someone who seeks to deeply meet a need in the world and is willing to undertake all risks, to make it happen. Someone who seeks to meet a need in the world and is willing to undertake all risk, to make it happen. Being an entrepreneur in its truest sense is selfless.

Kristen Boss (24:51):
We’re putting ourselves out there, we’re seeing a need and we’re willing to go out there and meet it at risk to ourselves. We’re choosing to park our own fear and we’re releasing the idea of a sure bet for the sake of meeting the needs of others, we can not be in self-preservation and be this type of person being an entrepreneur is selfless. And we cannot be selfless while being in self-preservation. So that’s from thought, number one, this is happening to me. That was the other thought, thought, number two, this is happening for me. This is what comes from the expectation of resistance and struggle. This is when you expect it, you greet it like hello, old friend, here we are again. Guess it’s time for my growth. An entrepreneur is not shaken when resistance happens because they expect it. This is an empowering thought. When we choose this thought, we move to a powerful place of curiosity and asking questions because we’ve made the circumstances.

Kristen Boss (26:01):
We’ve made them neutral. This isn’t happening to me. We’ve actually flipped it and made it positive. This is happening for me. And when we’re, and when we’re not a victim and we’re empowered, we can start asking questions. How is this for my good and for the good of others? What is this trying to teach me? And how can I use this to my advantage for me when I’m, when I’m dealing with serious resistance is I’m always thinking, how would I navigate this? Can I share this with my students to help them move through their own resistance and struggle more quickly than I did when you sign up for a coach, you’re not signing up for our wins and our successes. I mean, yes, but really what you’re signing up for is learning from all of our mistakes and how we have moved through serious resistance, an epic struggle.

Kristen Boss (26:53):
I don’t know about you. I mean, maybe there’s coaches out there that, you know, you’re only learning from their successes, but I want to learn from somebody who’s failed big, hard failures, because I know I want to learn from somebody that knows what it’s like to move through resistance. And I want my students, man, if, if I can learn from my own struggles better so that I can make the pain more short term for my students, I’m going to do it friends as entrepreneurs. When we sign up for risk, we sign up for all that comes with it.

Kristen Boss (27:29):
But here’s the problem. You have a brain, you have this tissue in your skull that is designed to want, and it is programmed to always choose the path of least resistance. The one less difficult, the road, more traveled. Your brain wants the easiest course of action. And let me tell you something. The path of least resistance will very rarely be the path of the most abundance in all areas, in your relationships, in your health and your business. We cannot choose to take the easy way out when we come against resistance friends, how we determine our struggle and resistance is what will ultimately determine the outcome of the circumstance. Say that again, how we define or interpret the circumstance, determines the outcome of it. This is about choosing to believe this is supposed to happen versus this isn’t supposed to be happening to me. How many of you have said this in your business?

Kristen Boss (28:28):
This isn’t supposed to be happening to me or is this supposed to be happening? I don’t know. I feel helpless. I love this book Believe Bigger by Marshawn Daniels. And she, she talks about the purpose path and she says, you know, we have to go through our growth zone before the glory zone. There is no glory without growth. My friends and growth as very rarely painless. This is when we choose perseverance, instead of the path of least resistance choose the path of perseverance. And perseverance only happens in the presence of struggle and pain and the best entrepreneurs, because we are problem solvers less than entrepreneurs. I’ve said this to you guys in several episodes. This is where we’re positioning ourselves as problem solvers in the world. And being a problem solver means we’re willing to face difficult problems and all the discomfort that comes with it.

Kristen Boss (29:24):
So we choose to see the struggle and we meet it with expectation and we choose the path of perseverance. And you want to know the thing you’re going to need for facing your resistance is resilience. You need to learn to be resilient. And they felt like, but how so? Glad you asked, because that’s what I’m going to be deep diving with you next week. Next week, it’s going to be all things resilience, and I’ll be releasing a special bonus episode because I’m going to be combining resistance and how I used resilience in my own story. So it’s going to be a bonus episode because it’s going to be my own story. Because anytime I’ve shared it on a post, I’ve just realized this is too long. This deserves a podcast because it’s when you hear it, it’s so out of this world. But I think you will need to hear my own story of overcoming massive resistance to get to where I’m at today and the resilience that I built and found in that time.

Kristen Boss (30:34):
So friends today, if we are going to be undertakers of the problems of this world, and we are going to be people that assume risk for the sake of serving others, we cannot choose self-preservation. We cannot choose the path of least resistance. We must choose the path of perseverance. We’d choose the thought of this is happening for me. We get curious and we greet resistance. We greet our struggle with a smile, and we say, I’ve been expecting you. And this time I’m prepared. So friend, if you yourself are in a place of resistance, if you’re experiencing that struggle in any of those areas, I described, I want you to sit with that today and think, how was this happening for me? And how can I use use this to bless others?

Kristen Boss (31:28):
You can choose empowering thoughts today. My friends, all right, until next week, then that wraps up today’s episode. Hey, if you love today’s show, I would love for you to take a minute and give a rating with the review. If you desire to elevate the social selling industry, that means we need more people listening to this message so that they can know it can be done a different way. And if you’re ready to join me, it’s time for you to step into the Social Selling Academy, where I give you all the tools, training, and support to help you realize your goals

Kristen Boss (32:05):
In the academy. You get weekly live coaching so that you are never lost or stuck in confusion. Whether you are new in the business or been in the industry for awhile. This is the premiere coaching program for the modern network marketer go to www.thesocialsellingacademy.com to learn more.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *